I Think I Want to Try Therapy…But How Should I Start?

The process of therapy can be…intimidating, to say the least. Everyone approaches it differently, which is completely understandable. For some, therapy may represent a safe space where people feel free to process through their day, pasts, errs, curiosities, desires, needs…you name it. For others, therapy may represent a “no go” zone, something so off limits to even think about approaching or trying for a number of reasons, albeit cultural, generational, stigma-wise, or otherwise. If you’re reading this, then I wonder where the line may be drawn for you? 

Where, between the avid user to the staunch refuser, do you fall? 

I’m thinking specifically about those who might be feeling stuck about therapy. For the ones who may desire to try counseling, but perhaps have never engaged with it before, or maybe for those who have had unpleasant, even damaging experiences. If that’s you, then let me say this – I honor where you are, and it’s okay to be there. And, it’s okay to be honest about the fact that you’re there. 

The truth of the matter is, there are elements of therapy that can be intimidating, uncertain, or stigmatized. Choosing the right therapist can be hard, and takes time. Being unsure about how vulnerable you can be with a professional you don’t yet know, is absolutely credible. Being concerned about what others might think of you if you seek therapy is an authentic emotional experience that you can attend to. But from choosing the right counselor who can relate to you, all the way to navigating what it actually looks like to embrace being vulnerable with another person, it is important that you are honest and reflective about what you want, what you need, and where you are. To help guide this process, here are a few points for reflection that hopefully help ease some of the pressure of figuring it out on your own.

Reflection #1: Nothing Needs to Be “Wrong” For You to Seek Counseling

I think one of the greatest misconceptions about mental health counseling is that it’s only for those who are responding to something being “wrong” with them. It’s experiencing a build up of issues or stressors that pile on until you absolutely have to go get help for it. If that’s a part of your experience as you contemplate seeking out counseling, let me affirm you – nothing has to be “wrong” for you to benefit from mental health therapy. 

My encouragement is to think about counseling the same way you might think about your physical health. A few times a year, it would be typical to go in for a doctor’s visit for a check up, right? To make appointments more focused on making sure that you’re continually healthy and doing well, rather than dealing with a physical issue for a prolonged period of time and then coming in to be seen after the fact.  We call this preventative services versus reactive services. You regularly check up on your physical health to help prevent any issues and maintain healthy practices before the onset of serious problems, rather than seeking help only after the onset of serious issues. Our physical health is often approached with a preventative mindset, but taking care of your mental health should, and can, be viewed the same way.

Engaging in counseling in a preventive way, such as seeking out counseling to simply better understand your lifestyle habits, coping styles, relationship patterns, and awareness of self can make such a difference in your general health and wellness. Building up the tools you need in advance to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally can prevent future distress that could be difficult to manage or control. So when you think of counseling, think prevention, and not reaction. See if that helps offer any clarity while you think about starting therapy.

Reflection #2: Take Some Time to Reflect Honestly About What You Want

One of the most common things I’ve heard when getting to talk to prospective clients is “I don’t really know what I’m looking for, I just know that I might need therapy”, which is completely okay. Often if you’re at this stage in the contemplation process, you might be more clear on the concerns you have – such as dealing with depressed mood or anxious doom scrolling all the time – but unsure about what you actually want your therapy space to be like. Here’s some things I might suggest to reflect on to help guide your search to the right therapist and the right provider: 

→ Take an assessment of what you’re currently experiencing, and whether it’s impacting your ability to function throughout the day. This could be an important first step to clarify the type of counselor you might be looking for, as each counselor is trained to have a specific speciality or area(s) of expertise. In order to help refine your search, while also prioritizing your needs in therapy, being clear about the most forefront concerns you’re experiencing can help to winnow out the therapists or providers that could work for you, versus the ones that won’t. For example, if you’re experiencing a depressed mood because of recent grief or loss, finding a practice or therapist that specializes in grief and loss might be the present need. Or, if you have a longer history of navigating stress or mistrust because of past exposure to violence or abuse, then seeking out a counselor who is trauma-informed may be the way to go. Understanding the level to which these concerns are affecting your daily functioning can also help guide how often you may want to request meeting with your counselor. If you notice that you can still take care of yourself and your responsibilities pretty well throughout the week, then maybe meeting bi-weekly or every three weeks is a good fit for you. Or, if you notice much more difficulty with motivation to take care of yourself or manage responsibilities, then maybe meeting more frequently (i.e. weekly, or twice a week) is a better option for you.

→ Once you’re clear on what you need, now you can think about your preferences. On top of knowing what you need in counseling, it’s also important to honor the fact that you have a right to be preferential when thinking about your therapy journey. That means that going for the things that would make you the most comfortable, open, and engaged in therapy should also be prioritized as much as possible when approaching the search for counseling services. For example, what, in an ideal space, would you want your counselor to be like? Would you find comfort in a therapist who aligns with your gender identity? Or, maybe you would relate better to a therapist belonging to the same ethnic or cultural background as yourself? Or, would you want to pursue services with a practice that focuses on affirming care for folks with autism or ADHD? It could also be important to think about the style of therapy or strategies you’d most align with in advance. For example, what would you want your therapy hour to consist of? Do you want a space where you can talk freely and have someone there to guide you with reflections? Would you want more structure in your sessions, maybe in the form of worksheets, or activities? Or would you maybe prefer an unconventional way of therapy where you get to “walk and talk” with your therapist outside in nature for your sessions? All of these are (nonexhaustive) possibilities and important considerations for what you want your counseling experience to be like. And, being more clear on your preferences in advance can be a helpful guide to your search and connections with a potential therapist. 

Pro Tip: If you’re having a consultation with a potential therapist, ask them what their orientation to counseling is and have them explain it a bit to you. It speaks to the specific type of training, focus, and potential expertise that therapists have (i.e. an Adlerian therapist, or an Emotion-Focused therapist like me). This could help clarify whether or not they’d be a good fit for you based on your own concerns and preferences. Here’s a resource that talks more about orientations to counseling for further information.  

→ If you’re connecting with a practice or therapist, ask them about additional resources to help find the right fit for you. Once you’re clear on your concerns and preferences, you’d most likely be in the stage of connecting with potential counselors and reaching out to practitioners, which can be a daunting task. For many, finding a therapist that accepts your insurance or is affordable can be difficult in itself. Also finding a therapist that can check your most important boxes on top of that can be overwhelming. But take heart – the search for the right fit can take some time, but a helpful tip is to ask the providers that you do connect with to offer you any additional resources they might have. If you’re on a consult with a therapist, or perhaps sending outreach to a practice, here are some things you can ask about: 

1. Ask them for their referral or community partners that might better accommodate your financial or other insurance-based needs. 

Often, private practices or other providers have a network of community partners (i.e. other resources for mental health services) that they are connected with. Asking for referrals that accept your insurance could be helpful to refine your search. Or, if you’re looking for more financially accessible services, ask for referrals they know of that offer sliding scale or pro bono services. You can also ask the practices you reach out to what their sliding scale policies may be, if you’re perhaps without insurance or seeking more affordable care. As an example, please see our practice’s website here for a list of our Community Partners and Resources. One of our partners also offers specific support for those seeking more affordable counseling services, which you can see here at Open Path Collective’s website. 

2. Ask them for referrals or resources that offer therapists who specialize in any area that you have need in.

Similar to what we discussed before, being clear on the areas of specialty that you want in a counselor can help refine your search for the right provider. For example, if you need a trauma-informed therapist, or perhaps desire a therapist with a culturally informed and decolonized perspective, you have free range to communicate this with prospective practices and therapists. The clearer you are with your needs, concerns and preferences, the more specific we can be about the type of services, referrals, or resources we could offer. Be as specific as possible with your requests during the consultation stage, and it could be a game changer in the way you find the right fit in your counseling journey.

There are many more reflections that I could make about how to best approach or consider what therapy looks like for you, but be encouraged in the unique way that your counseling experience can, and will, look. Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum of accepting or rejecting therapy, know that you are worthy of the investment at any stage of the process, regardless of where this blog entry may find you. Be encouraged to take it one step, and one reflection, at a time.