Reflecting on Grief and Loss

Grief and loss are part of the universal human experience. Yet, in many cultures, there are very few public discussions, rituals, and practices to help us move through, process, and mourn losses. Perhaps our avoidance is rooted in the association of grief with existential and often uncomfortable themes of death and mortality, which can feel distressing to consider. Grief calls to mind these elements even though it is a process that comes not only in the case of losing a loved one, but with all types of loss we may experience as we move through life. In addition, regardless of the source, grief often carries a sense of finality that requires a level of acceptance to move through, which can feel daunting.

Whatever the reasons may be for steering away from the discussion, like the character Bruno from Encanto, we don’t talk (enough) about grief! Even the profession of counseling is not immune to this phenomenon. Amidst the myriad topics covered in my Master’s in Clinical

Mental Health Counseling program, grief appeared only as an “elective” course, not required to graduate. But in life, grief is anything but elective. All of us will inevitably encounter these

powerful and painful emotions and experiences at some point. Opening up conversations around grief and loss helps mitigate a sense of isolation and even guilt or shame that can arise when we feel alone. With this in mind, I wanted to offer a recent insight around grief that I’ve been sitting with and invite you to reflect on your own experiences.

One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned—both in working with my clients and in my

personal journey with grief and loss—is the complex and sometimes unexpected ways in which a recent loss can uncover feelings of deep, unprocessed grief from past events and experiences that we may not even know we’re carrying around with us. Consider, for example, a friend of yours experiences the loss of a beloved pet. While this is a painful experience in and of itself, your friend may also find themselves thinking about and feeling pangs around the loss of a relative they have not consciously thought about for years. Or they may realize that they are not only missing their pet, but feeling a profound sense of loss as they process how their canine companion embodied the unconditional love they did not feel growing up. In this way, a loss can shed light on unexplored parts of our journey and ourselves.

It makes sense, after all, in a culture and society that provides such little space for us to grieve, that many of us may be carrying around unprocessed grief. Discovering elements of unprocessed grief provides a powerful opportunity to get to know ourselves better and work with and through unresolved feelings. It may allow us to cut through the walls and defenses we might have developed to protect ourselves from feelings in the past. Maybe our environment did not support engaging with these feelings at the time, or we lacked the tools and resources to do so. Insights gained through processing recent loss can forge a path toward a greater sense of closure or acceptance around the past and invite more vitality and understanding to the present.

Grief is multifaceted, and this post offers just one example of a path we may explore when

navigating loss. In the spirit of encouraging more reflection and open dialogue around these

aspects of our human experience, I invite you to consider the following questions as you reflect on your own unique journey:

• What experiences do you have exploring, processing, and moving through grief in your life?

• What spaces, relationships, and practices or rituals currently support you in processing loss? What are some other outlets you might consider or ways you may deepen your connection with your current outlets?

  
  

In my own experience as both a clinician and a client, I’ve found therapy to be one supportive

space to explore the many layers and nuances of grief and loss. Grief in its many forms can be both an impetus for beginning therapy and a common, and at times unexpected, theme

throughout the process. If you think you’d like to explore these themes further in a therapeutic context, I encourage you to reach out to find a clinician who can walk alongside you in your journey.