Leaving the Fold: A Deeper Look into Faith Deconstruction

By Bridget Sorensen

For those of us who grew up religious, or perhaps joined later in life, and have since

chosen to step away, we are familiar with the loss that comes from letting go of our faith and the difficult emotions and changes that come with a faith deconstruction. Faith deconstruction is a phrase to describe the process of questioning your faith, analyzing what you have been taught, re-evaluating your beliefs, and possibly, disaffiliating from your religion. This is not a simple or easy process. It often comes with loss, grief, anger, broken relationships, and loneliness. While reading up on faith deconstruction I came across this quote in a study. I think it sums it up just right.

“While the experience of religious change or disaffiliation can be an opportunity for

increased self-discovery, it may also include internalized pain and trauma, sorrow, fear, and

shame; with external disruptions of rejection, ostracism, and shunning from family and

community” (Cheney & Priest, 2024).

Today, I want to take a deeper look into the challenges of faith deconstruction, and the process of faith deconstruction, as well as provide some hope for those going through this grueling journey.

My Faith Deconstruction

My faith deconstruction started when I was young. Growing up in the Church of Jesus

Christ of Latter-day Saints, better known as the Mormon church, I believed in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and looked forward to entering the temple and making the appropriate covenants with them to live with my family forever. As a teenager I began to question parts of the religion, getting into arguments with church leaders, and seeking truth in books like The Art of Happiness and Ethics for the New Millenium by the Dalai Lama. As I moved into adulthood, I knew I was ready to leave the church, and this meant a faith deconstruction. Not only did I change my routine of going to church each Sunday, taking the sacrament, attending church events, praying, and reading my scriptures, but there was a foundational shift in how I viewed my life, my beliefs and values, and how I viewed the world. At times this process felt gut- wrenching, many nights sobbing and praying, hoping that God herself would appear and take the pain of doubt away from me. While I have since disaffiliated from the Mormon church and found a lot of peace in my identity, beliefs, and values, I know I will spend my life deconstructing my faith in various ways. The process of faith deconstruction is not a one-time event, instead, it’s a process that we engage in every day and every moment for our entire lives. In the same way, we are always recreating and redefining ourselves, so too do we continuously deconstruct our faith

and reconstruct our foundation.

Stages of Faith Crisis

Not everyone undergoing faith deconstruction is completely leaving their church,

denouncing their religion, becoming an apostate, and labeling themself an atheist. There are

various forms or stages that a faith crisis can take. First, there is questioning. This usually takes place when there is a discrepancy between your established views and values and new views and values introduced (Jindra & Lee, 2023). This questioning stage can be initiated by several things: general questions and doubts, influential relationships and environments, or inciting events (Ellman, 2022).

The next stage is doubt. Doubt tends to arise when these conflicts between established

and new views cannot be resolved by simple observation or religious study. This stage is

associated with a lot of psychological distress and overall lower well-being. It is in this stage that inner turmoil begins to set in, and a sense of instability and confusion begins to taint a person’s outlook and perspective. Voicing your doubts takes a massive amount of courage, bravery, and vulnerability. Those who express their doubt may experience support and validation, but they may also experience disapproval and criticism.

Finally, there is reconfiguration, which involves deciding the future of your faith. In this

stage, your doubt is resolved by moving toward or away from religion (Fisher, 2017). There are

three different directions reconfiguration can take: switching, deconversion, or disaffiliation.

Switching involves exploring other religions, whether they are similar or dissimilar to your

original faith. Deconversion is when there is significant disbelief or loss of faith. And lastly,

disaffiliation is the act of cutting ties between you and your church, such as ending your church membership or choosing not to engage in religious routines or rituals.

Unique Challenges

When you are brought up in a religion or join a religion, your faith often becomes a

foundation of sorts. You build your life around it, considering your faith and religious values in

your work, your relationships, and your hobbies. A faith deconstruction is not a simple

questioning of a religion, but instead, a deeply painful process that involves loss, confusion, and loneliness.

Imagine a coffee table, on this coffee table is a Jenga set. You remove and replace one

block at a time to keep things stable and balanced. Now imagine someone comes along and

shakes the coffee table the Jenga set is on. Well, now they’ve ruined the whole game; this is what a faith deconstruction can feel like. Your whole world, everything you thought to be true,

everything you’ve meticulously constructed and shaped, shaken and destroyed. This is what can be referred to as “world collapse,” or a sense of difficulty connecting to reality after disaffiliating with a religion (Jindra & Lee, 2023). Believe it or not, world collapse is just one of the many challenges that faith deconstruction can bring.

Faith deconstruction can lead to strained relationships with our family, friends, partners,

and communities. There is a sense of confusion about your identity and values, a struggle to

understand who you are without the faith and what you truly believe in. You are left to grieve the loss of meaning and purpose, familiarity and security (Jindra & Lee, 2023). Many people experience a deep sense of shame or guilt, which contributes to hopelessness. This hopelessness can lead people to experience addiction, self-harm, or even suicidality. If you or a loved one is going through a faith deconstruction and struggling with any of these challenges, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Whether you seek professional help or support from a trusted friend, know that you are not alone in this process and you deserve support while navigating this difficult journey.

Turning Faith Deconstruction into Self-Reconstruction

Alright, take a deep breath. We have discussed many heavy topics and addressed the pain and loss that comes with faith deconstruction. Let me assure you, that faith deconstruction can be the biggest blessing, no matter what conclusion or decision you make about the future of your faith.

When doing my research for this post, I came across an article on reconstructing your

spiritual identity following a faith deconstruction. These are five general theological shifts that

are common in faith deconstruction (Ellman, 2022). Reading about these theological shifts

provided me with hope and empowerment, reminding me of the beauty of faith deconstruction.

1. From domination to liberation. This shift is about reclaiming your power over your spiritual

journey, deciding that nothing gets to dictate your beliefs, views, and values, but yourself. 2.

From dogma to experience. This involves reminding yourself that your experiences provide you with truth, allowing yourself to reject core religious beliefs if they conflict with your experiential truth. 3. From transcendence to immanence. Instead of having a goal to someday meet the divine, understanding that the divine is in and all around you. 4. From certainty to mystery. This shift allows you to embrace curiosity, prioritize exploration, and welcome all the unknowns with open arms. And lastly, 5. From a fixed faith to spirituality in the process. This shift is one that felt most freeing for me, letting myself relish in the process of discovering my individual and unique spirituality.

Disaffiliating from your faith can leave holes in your life, don’t let them stay empty! The

trick to a fulfilling faith deconstruction is a healing self-reconstruction. Be proactive about this

process. If you feel like you don’t know yourself without your faith, get to know yourself in new

ways you haven’t before. Take a solo trip, try out a new hobby, or take a class about something you’ve always wanted to learn. If you feel like your beliefs and views have been shaken and you don’t know what to believe, seek knowledge and truth in books and the human experience. Attend seminars or listen to TED talks. If you have lost relationships, start to build a community wherever you are. Get involved in a book club, make yourself a regular at your local coffee shop, or invite friends over for a small get-together. The despair that comes with a faith deconstruction can cause us to isolate and turn in on ourselves. Try to find a balance between the calming solitude and essential social support. Be present with yourself. Tune into your internal experience and establish a mind-body connection through meditation and mindfulness, this will help ground you when the confusion and hopelessness of this process sets in. Trust yourself, you have divine forces in you that are drawn to peace. Be proactive about the process of rebuilding a life worth living, a life that excites you, one that brings you joy and contentment.

References

Andersen, A. H., Viftrup, D. T., Pedersen, H. F., & Roessler, K. K. (2020). Clients’ faith

experiences as an opportunity or a challenge for psychotherapy: A qualitative analysis of clinical records. Religions (Basel, Switzerland ), 11(10), 1–18. https://doi.org/10.3390/rel11100502

Cheney, C., & Priest, J. B. (2024). Using Family Systems Theory in Counseling Mixed-Faith

Latter-Day Saint Couples After a Religious Disaffiliation. The American Journal of Family

Therapy, 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1080/01926187.2024.2404872

Ellman, L. C. (2022). Home by Another Way: The Possibility of Reconstructing Spiritual

Identity Within the Deconstruction of Millennial Exvangelical Faith. ProQuest Dissertations & Theses.

Fisher, A. R. (2017). A review and conceptual model of the research on doubt, disaffiliation, and related religious changes. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 9(4), 358–367.

Jindra, I. W., & Lee, J. (2023). Negotiating Leaving Religion, Family Relationships, and

Identity: The Case of LDS Faith Transitions in Therapy. Clinical Social Work Journal, 51(1),

1–11. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10615-021-00822-y

Roulet, S. J. B. (2023). Benefits/Challenges Surrounding Personal Well-Being and Expressive

Sexuality When Leaving a Christian Tradition for a Spirituality-Based Religion. ProQuest

Dissertations & Theses.