By Bridget A. Sorensen
Affirmations. If you’ve been trying to engage in better self-care or been to therapy
recently, you may have heard of daily affirmations. Even viral videos feature children giving
themselves pep talks in the mirror while their parent does their hair. Affirming means to state
something as a fact or to offer emotional support or encouragement. Daily affirmations give us a routine of affirming ourselves, either stating something we may need to be reminded of or offering ourselves emotional support. It seems simple enough, but many people still seem to struggle to get on board. Why is that?
For me, trying to implement daily affirmations into my daily routine felt like a losing battle. I couldn’t get myself to stand in front of the mirror and compliment myself, I just felt silly, like I was trying to deceive myself into believing something that didn’t resonate with me. Before I knew how the brain worked, I decided I would write off affirmations completely, I believe they would never be for me, and I’d accepted that. Once I started learning about the brain, personalizing my affirmations, and aligning them with my true intentions, it clicked for me. And finally, I was able to get on board.
Neural Pathways
When pursuing my bachelor’s degree in psychology, I decided to dive into any book I
could find about the brain: the source of all our realities, thoughts, and feelings. Only in
understanding the brain was I able to really figure out how to use it to my benefit. To help you on your affirmation journey or to just help you understand yourself better let’s talk about the science of thoughts, or neural pathways.
Our brain is made up of neural pathways, each pathway is a connection between neurons,
that allows information to travel from one part of the brain to another. Each thought we have is a neural pathway. As with any muscle or function of the body, the more we use it the stronger it is. So, the more that we entertain any given thought, the stronger it will be and the more frequently it will occur. Our brains tend to take the most available path, the neural pathway most utilized, or in layman’s terms, the thoughts that most frequently cross your consciousness. This also means that creating new neural pathways, or ways of thinking, is going to take time, effort, and practice. It’s like building up muscle, must be practiced each day to lead to lasting change.
So, how do we redirect those thoughts and change those neural pathways? That’s where
affirmations come in. What we tell ourselves truly matters. The thoughts we entertain or
passively allow to exist do influence how we view ourselves, the people around us, and the
world. For many people, the classic affirmation statements such as “I am beautiful” or “I am
smart” feel too far from the truth to even entertain the ritual, and therefore, they often give up on affirmations. This is when I got to thinking, why did my affirmations have to include being beautiful or smart? While those statements may be valuable in affirming myself now, back when I started it was so far from the thoughts I was having that I couldn’t get myself to say it.
Tip #1 Make your affirmations your own. Pick statements that feel believable and
realistic, while also pushing yourself towards greater grace, acceptance, and self-compassion. For example, I started simple and concise with this affirmation: “I strive to be patient with myself as I continue to grow.” This statement realistic enough for me to believe it and, therefore, easier to instill into my daily routine. By making your affirmations your own, you will realize it gets easier to say them each day, you’ll get quicker at utilizing your affirmations to ground yourself in difficult moments, and you’ll truly begin to believe what you are saying!
Intention
When our affirmations align with other action steps or habits in our lives, we will have an
easier time seeing the difference they can make. This leads me to Tip #2: Align your
affirmations with your intentions. Deciding where to focus your energy is the first step. You
can focus your energy on the present or the future. This will be different for each person, and it will shift based on what you are experiencing at any given moment. I also want to acknowledge that many of us have pain or hardship from the past and by no means am I saying you should not attend to the past you that needs healing. Instead, use a focus on the present moment to harness the care and attention that will help you heal from past experiences. For example, “Every day, I grow further from the hurt and closer to my true self.” This is a statement that acknowledges the hardship of the past while also focusing on your actions in the present moment. Another affirmation that focuses on the present could be something such as “I choose to show up for myself in this moment.” On the other hand, if you are trying to focus on the future, you could affirm yourself by saying “I have the power to shape my tomorrow” or “I have the ability and strength to overcome any challenge that comes my way.” Whether grounding yourself in the present moment or setting your sights on the future, there is immense value in starting each day with an intention and a focus on grace and acceptance.
The next step to align your affirmations with your intentions is to choose whatever
difficult emotion or circumstance you may be trying to cope with. For me, that emotion was
shame. I struggled for a long time feeling like a bad person for my mistakes. This led to my
affirmation “I will not give in to shame.” Easy as that, right? Well, sometimes I almost choked
on the words because it felt so difficult, but as I have continued to tell myself this daily, I have
found my shame has less of a hold on me and I feel freer to give myself and others grace.
Another example may be if you are struggling with imposter syndrome, saying something along the lines of “I am deserving of my achievements” or “I have earned my place, I belong here.” When your affirmations counter whatever difficult emotions you are experiencing while also feeling believable enough to repeat daily, you will find yourself developing a new sense of strength and hope.
Practical Implementation
Everyone knows the classic method of writing out affirmations and taping them on your
bathroom mirror so you can see them first thing in the morning. If this works for you, great! But if this is not your cup of tea, that’s okay. Tip #3: Build your affirmations into your routine in
a way that works for you.
Some enjoy the list of statements they repeat day after day, others would prefer to check
in with themselves each day and repeat whatever affirmations feel most applicable to you in that moment. Try out both ways and do whatever feels best for you. If trying to repeat a list of
statements feels like a chore each morning, you may be doing it wrong. If you are just starting, it may be easiest to pick a couple of affirmation statements that you use daily. If that feels too hard, pick one! Even the smallest steps move you in the right direction. Once you are well versed in affirming yourself and more attuned to your emotional state, you can move to spontaneous affirming, such as noticing a moment of anger and saying to yourself, whether aloud or in your head, “I let go of what I cannot control.”
To sum it all up, I have given you three tips: Make your affirmations your own. Align
your affirmations with your intentions. Build your affirmations into your routine in a way
that works for you. As with any routine or habit, it will get easier as time goes on. Your
affirmations may become spontaneous, showing up throughout the day in moments of need. Your affirmations will evolve to be more complex and attend to different aspects of yourself that can benefit from growth. I have included some sample affirmation statements if you need some ideas of where to start. Remember, be patient with yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day, self- confidence doesn’t just magically appear, and affirmations do not usually click immediately. Make them your own and they will soon become a natural part of your everyday routine.
Sample Affirmation Statements:
• I am enough just as I am.
• I release what I cannot control and focus on what I can.
• I learn and grow from every experience.
• I am doing my best, and that is enough.
• I am gentle with myself as I heal.
• I release the pain of the past to make room for peace in the present.
• I am stronger than I realize and braver than I know.
• I am reclaiming my power and rewriting my story.
• I am here, I am present, I am safe.
• I choose kindness, patience, and love in the present.
• I trust that everything will unfold as it’s meant to.
• I am preparing myself for the success I deserve.
• I welcome change as an opportunity to grow.
• I am working toward a future filled with purpose and joy.
• I don’t have to be perfect to be valuable.
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