By Bridget Sorensen
The holidays are here! It’s the most wonderful time of the year! A season filled with celebrations, gatherings, cheer–and probably more than your fair share of stress. Between the pressure of finding the right gifts, family obligations, and navigating a packed schedule, it’s easy to feel out of balance and pulled in a dozen different directions. It is vital to prime yourself for the holidays, so you are fully present and able to appreciate each moment. This year, start incorporating self-soothing techniques into your routine to keep you grounded and energized.
Self-soothing is the practice of using skills or techniques to regulate your emotions, calm your
nervous system, and bring yourself back to a state of balance when you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or emotionally distressed. Self-soothing can involve engaging the senses, grounding techniques, physical comfortability, or cognitive reframing. Even in a happy and calm moment, you may still need emotional regulation or mental refocusing. That’s why I’ve included many techniques that can be done without even leaving the dinner table, while others may require you to step away and take a moment for yourself. Implementing these strategies will help you reclaim your calm amidst the chaos and harness sanity during
the season.
1. Temperature Manipulation
Temperature manipulation helps to manage emotional distress. There are a couple of
ways to do this: take a cold shower, run yourself a hot bath, drink a glass of cold water, or
apply heating pads. Temperature manipulation helps to slow your heart rate, reduce blood
pressure, even out your breathing, and relax tense muscles. Using colder temperatures
can help shift your nervous system into a calmer state, while warmer temperatures evoke
a sense of safety and comfort.
2. Aerobic Exercise
To support emotional regulation and boost endorphin production, participate in aerobic
activity, such as walking, swimming, or cycling, and aim to reach 70% of your maximum
heart rate for at least 20 minutes. Releasing endorphins helps to alleviate stress and
anxiety. Plus, it provides you with a little break and a good excuse for some alone time.
Or if the whole family is dysregulated, take them to the gym or swimming! Get everyone
regulated and exhausted in one go.
3. Paced Breathing / Box Breathing
Deep breathing + counting = paced and box breathing. Paced breathing involves taking
deep breaths while counting each inhale and exhale. Aim for five slow deep breaths a
minute, roughly six seconds per in/exhale. Boxed breathing is paced breathing with a
pause. Breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, and breathe out for
four seconds. Inhale with your mouth closed and your tongue pressed on the roof of your
mouth. Exhale through your mouth as if blowing on hot soup. Allow your breath to
deepen by engaging your core, allowing your stomach to expand and contract as you
inhale and exhale.
4. Progressive Muscle Relaxation / Body Scans
Sit in a chair with your hands relaxed in your lap, your feet on the floor, and your eyes
gently closed. Then start from the top of your head and go down to your toes. Start with
your face, scrunch your nose, forehead, and cheeks tight, and then relax them, letting
gravity take over. Continue down your body, tensing or flexing each part of your body
then letting it fully relax. If you’d prefer not to tense your muscles, you can close your
eyes and mentally scan each part of your body, making note of any tension, aches, or
pains. This will allow you to attend to your body, strengthen that mind-body connection,
and ground yourself in the present moment.
5. Butterfly Hugs
Cross your arms over your chest, place your hands just below your collarbone or on the
sides of your upper arms, and tap back and forth. You can do this while taking some deep
breaths in a tense moment or even use it to wind down at the end of the night. Butterfly
hugs help calm your nervous system, regulate your emotional state, and foster a sense of
safety.
6. Bilateral Tapping
Bilateral tapping is essentially an incognito butterfly hug, so you can do it at the dining
room table without your family looking sideways at you. Whether you want to use your
fingertips on your thighs, or your toes in your shoes, just tap back and forth: left, right,
left, right. This act of bilateral stimulation helps initiate a sense of calm by activating the
parasympathetic nervous system.
7. Physical Grounding
This technique helps you feel grounded by fostering a sense of stability and support. Lay
flat on your back on the ground, and bend your knees so the bottom of your feet rest on
the floor. You can paddle your feet back and forth, or leave them flat and still. Rest your
hands on your stomach, or next to your sides with your palms facing up. Let your spine
press into the floor and breathe deeply.
8. Sensory Soothing
This is a fun one, especially around the holidays. Focus on one sense at a time, really
grounding yourself in your present experience: slowly savor a piece of chocolate, smell
the calming scents of a candle, hold a smooth stone, or close your eyes and listen to
music.
9. Willing Hands
Willing hands is a technique from DBT that helps in managing intense emotions by
activating a calming response. Place your hands palm up and let your fingertips relax
open. You can relax your hands in your lap on top of your thighs, or allow them to hover
in front of you. This skill helps allow you to accept the present moment, especially when
accompanied by overwhelming stressors or uncontrollable factors.
10. Take A Break!
While all of these tips may be helpful, none are as important as stepping away and taking
a break when you need it. You do not have to do butterfly hugs or paced breathing, just
take a moment for yourself. Check in with your body and your mind, do you need a glass
of water? Maybe a 20-minute power nap? Go for a solo drive to listen to your favorite
music!
As you navigate the busyness and demands of the holiday season, remember that taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of others. Self-soothing is not just about managing stress or difficult emotions, it’s about creating a space to savor the moment, connect with yourself, and recharge. These small acts of self-care will allow you to feel energized, grounded, and present. Prioritize your peace–you deserve it.
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