Oh No! Your Least Favorite Person Learned Therapy Words

When Therapy Language Gets Misused, and What We Can Do Instead

There’s a special kind of dread that hits when you get a text that says, “I had to set boundaries with you because of your toxic attachment style.” It’s even worse when it comes from someone who ghosted you three times and now calls themselves “healing informed.”

As a therapist, let me be clear: I love that mental health is becoming part of everyday conversation. It’s exciting to see people learning terms like trauma response, gaslighting, inner child, and nervous system regulation from TikTok, Instagram, and podcasts. That’s a major cultural shift. It means more people are finally finding words for what they’ve felt for years. That matters.

But (and you knew there was a but coming), there’s a downside to this surge in therapy speak. When clinical language gets pulled out of context or used without a deeper understanding, it can shift from empowering to problematic pretty quickly. Sometimes it shows up as pathologizing ordinary human behavior. Suddenly, a roommate being messy isn’t just irritating, they’re violating your boundaries and dysregulating your nervous system. A disagreement with a friend becomes emotional abuse. A bad date is declared a narcissist. Not every conflict is gaslighting, and not every uncomfortable moment needs a clinical label. When these terms are used too loosely, they lose their meaning. Even worse, they can shut down honest connection instead of helping people work through tough moments.

Another tricky part is how therapy language can be used as a shield or even a weapon. Words like triggered, toxic, or boundary have power, but they can also be used to avoid hard conversations or deflect responsibility. We’ve all seen it. And if we’re honest, we’ve probably done it too.

There’s nothing wrong with learning about mental health on social media. It can be a great introduction. But a five slide infographic on attachment styles doesn’t make someone a therapist, and it definitely doesn’t replace doing your own work. Pop psychology often gives us just enough insight to feel like we understand something, without the depth or context needed to apply it well.

So what do we do with all of this? We stay curious. If someone uses therapy terms in a way that feels confusing or sharp, try slowing things down. Ask, “What does that word mean to you?” or “What are you feeling underneath that?” And when you catch yourself about to drop a therapy term in the middle of a heated moment, take a breath. Ask yourself whether this language is helping you connect or just helping you defend.

At its best, therapy language creates space for understanding. It helps people move toward one another. It’s not meant to shut down conversations or build walls. Knowing the words is only the beginning. The real work is learning how to live them, especially when things get messy and complicated, as they always do in real relationships.